1
2
3
4
5
6
7 months...!

"you are only a victim if you choose to be a victim..."

i still remember this line from american beauty, but i never seemed to apply this to myself...
but recently i came to a realization that .. i am full of this victim mind-set too...
i have been shown when i was little how unfair the world could be...
so i simply had learnt to put up with whatever happened when i didn't hold the upperhand...
i felt like i automatically lost when i faced someone "superior" ...
then i gradually forgot that i still had rights to stand up for myself...
the list of why i tend to victimize myself goes on but i am not going to write it down because this is also an act of blaming my current mentality on my past.... so...


elaine,
TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY....
whatever happened to you is, at least, partly your responsibility...
if you got pushed around, its not only because that the other person was bossy..
it is because you did not try your best to avoid getting bossed around...
in the end, indirectly you let that person do that to you..

STOP self-pitying...
there is nothing to pity about if you did not even try to help yourself out...

DON'T cry ...
i dont want to see you cry when you should be actually talking...
tears wont speak... it only complicates the situation ...
next time before you burst into tears, hold it there for 10 seconds and ask...
is this really necessary? can't i let my emotion out through words instead of tears?

GROW UP elaine....
you are an adult now...
stop running away from your problems ....
it is really time to grow up now..

chilling at a coffee shop in a monday after noon...
it feels blissful... it actually comforts me to be here..
today i have EASON with me.. i have been listen to a lot of his songs lately..

well actually what i am doing here is working on my project..
i am supposed to create a package for an imaginary condo...

so far i am thinking of a builing thats like a spaceship, or rocket...
HAHA keeep brainstorming...

朋友們, 久違了.
最近我忙得透不過氣, 這個星期還要每天4點半起床.
因為我開始當替工主持 "溫哥華早晨",
早上6-8:30的, 有機會就打開收音機聽聽吧.

但別擔心, 這2天我過得很快樂.

何時開始, 我變成了一個那麼癡纏/痴身的女生.
對方背影尚在視線範圍. 卻開始懷念過去的48小時,
說過的冷笑話, 聊過的話題, 拍過的照片, 吃過的食物, 看過的電影...
然後, 好想好想2個人一直就這樣下去...

如果五月天的"倔強" 能代表我對夢想的堅持,
那陳奕迅的"給你", 大概就是我近期的心聲.

"可是我　相信愛　我信異想才有日會天開
可是愛　我相信愛 　就算一切都像獨白

忍耐種種不能忍耐　不懷疑該不該
因為我信　所以你會存在"

給: 林中的你.

1.

nietzsche: "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger"
me: "yes, i will tough it out, overcome the hardship, and be stronger.."

then when i look back at all the sufferings that shaped the person i am today...
all i see is bruises imprinted permanently, somewhere deeply under my skin...
some of them still hurt...
they will always hurt...


that's why i am always extremely grateful for those who truly love me...




2.

for some unknown reasons, i love butterflies...

but me, i am more like a moth.
i am not as physically appealing as butterflies ...
(i personally find moths scary, because of their look...)
and moths are attrached to lights ...
i don't know why i am also obsessed with staring at lights and their byproducts,
a.k.a shadows, reflections, flare, etc...



but you know....
"i will follow you into the dark".